Something to prove

Just the other day, I heard a comment on a TV lecture about ancient Chinese philosophy. It went something like, “Modern people tend to take on many responsibilities, not wanting to miss out even on a part-time job. All this just to prove their competence and so as not be bored and lonely.”

Damn, she’s bloody right.

Any job is better than no job. That’s why I’ve been doing all sorts of rubbish. Somehow there is a constant need to feel occupied and fulfilled. Doing something, anything, just to make believe that I’ve things to do, people to meet and places to go. And also that I’m capable of doing it. Bumming around is about the easiest way to lower self esteem.

Then she went on to tell a silly story about winners winning in silence and that only the runner-ups hear the applause of encouragement.

First, taking on responsibilities to feel good is not about external validation. Even if all the credit is taken by someone else, doing all that work is necessary just not to feel dumb and useless. Second, her philosophy is too kind to self esteem. After all, if not hearing any applause possibly means you’re leading, then it sure is difficult to know when you really sucked. Maybe she didn’t mean it that way, but the connotation is confusing.

I should have known that something is really wrong with me when all the philosophy I enjoy comes from Calvin and Hobbes.

Calvin: See, Hobbes, we shouldn’t need accomplishments to feel good about ourselves. Self esteem shouldn’t be conditional. That’s why I’ve stopped doing homework. I don’t need to learn things to like myself.

Hobbes: So the secret to good self esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they’re already met?

Calvin: Right. We should take pride in our mediocrity.

Hobbes: Remind me to invest overseas.

Calvin: I think this snowman is good enough, don’t you?