Studying Wrong

When the work piles, the flesh gets weaker. Flesh being that piece of flabby thing in my head.

Flesh gets distracted too.

Games I would otherwise not be interested in, compulsive desire for new music, irrational want of new audio equipment, the tastiest, most unhealthy food, the silliest tv programmes… any and all types of distraction.

I’m really trying to enjoy the very last bits of my education. But it has gone wrong. The topics I’m studying now are much more challenging, and much more interesting, yet all the tests and assignments coming all at once before I even have a weak grasp of the concepts is too much to handle.

These 2 weeks has been worse than schooling 2 days and working 3. I’m just wasting away, procrastinating everything and feeling terrible for wasting so much time and not being in the panic mode I should be in.

Combine all this with the bleak economic outlook while I’m preparing for full-time work, the apprehension of applying to banks (will it still be there tomorrow, after I send in my application today?), and the fears of finding myself jobless or stuck in a job I hate.

This shouldn’t be the way I spend my second last schooling semester.

I’m missing the pre-university days when I have 2 full years to complete the courses. 12 weeks is too little time for anything. I’m just scrapping the surface, making believe that I learned something, when really, I can barely explain anything I’m learning now clearly and in depth.

All this is making me feel extremely inadequate.