It’s too easy to be happy

It has been a terrible term. Yet, despite all the terribleness and even though nothing has been achieved, I would still choose to go through it if I were to choose again. This whole idea that being content and happy is far too easy, and therefore boring, is a very bad masochistic mentality. But I will still attempt to rationalize it a bit.

Think about this: Happiness is but a state of mind – you can be happy because you have everything or nothing at all, happy because you’re doing something complex or doing something simple, or just happy because you think the world is a beautiful place because a stranger smiled at you and made your day. Your reason for being happy and your source of enjoyment can change from day to day on a whim. If your only goal in life is to seek enjoyment and be happy, then there isn’t any requirement like all those needed to achieve a specific goal or ambition. Anything goes.

Sure, working towards and eventually achieveing your goal or ambition can bring you happiness, and that would be very good indeed. But having the cake and eating it doesn’t happen to everyone all the time. What if the process of getting to your goal doesn’t give you any pleasure, and achieving your goal doesn’t make you as happy as you thought you would be? Does that make working towards your goal or ambition a huge waste of time and effort? Does the potential regret warrant a change of mind before you achieve your goal?

Happiness and enjoyment is so easy on the mind it’s irresistible. Working hard is the troublesome bit in life. Unfortunately, hard work, determination and perseverance is necessary to achieve any goal. Unfortunately again, hard work is usually hardly enjoyable.

I don’t have the delusion that there is some calling in life that is perfect for me, something that I will enjoy doing even the toughest bits of. I don’t want to spend my entire life searching for that perfect something that might not even exist. Sometimes I think, you just have to pick something you might want to do and stick with it. You just have to make it work, somehow. Even if somewhere along the way, you get to do something that gives you a lot of enjoyment, like a sudden discovery that travelling the world is your “calling in life” because you thoroughly enjoyed a long trip (well who doesn’t?), you have to stick with what you were working on in the first place. That’s what perseverance is about.

The goal in life can’t be happiness and enjoyment, that’s the equivalent of being aimless. Life can’t be complete until you have bit that bullet.

A Journal Entry

Some work’s been done, just enough for me to realize I’m pretty much done for. Maybe this time, I’ve gone a little too close to the edge.

If anyone ever feels like touring an university, forget the designed co-curricular activities and open house day, see it in the crunch week – that’s what real life feels like, because we normally don’t make handicrafts and display them on booths where we gather to play games.

Well, we normally don’t walk around like zombies either, but in real life, there are times when you sleep at strange hours and wake up at even stranger hours, only to come to school and see people with the lives drained out of them. This post was started at 9.20am in school, perhaps the first (and hopefully) only blog post to ever be written at such an ungodly time and unholy place.

Cramming for the exams is not fun, but ironically (and unfortunately), it is the necessary evil for really remembering and understanding some things that we’re learning. Sometimes, all it takes to facilitate understanding is a little last minute panic. It adds some excitement and dread to our otherwise mundane lives too. I’ve mastered the art of self-delusion.

Today, someone told me that up to this point in life, I’ve spent all my time trying to make myself better at doing things, as oppose to managing people. Partly true, considering how I’m going to be tested individually on my cramming skills yet again, but it better not be entirely true, because if it is, then I’ll be really sad because I’m still not doing things perfectly.

At some point, it becomes somewhat like a hobby. Learning things for myself just so that I can do it too. And then I forget that, it’ll be way cooler if I can do things myself, but never ever need to.

Living life on the edge

Wilfully procrastinating everything to the eleventh hour makes life an exhilarating experience, and I’ve been having make-shift fun for too long. 

The excitement is increased when everything that interests me is something I don’t understand, and I can’t understand in a short span of time. Now I have to learn to drive in the split second before crashing. Not such a good idea after all.

I think I should stop doing things so that I can just make the expectations. I need to exceed them. Then again, it’s just a matter of where the expectations are. Lower the expectations and exceed them? Or have high expectations and just meet them?

Or.. increase the expectations further and exceed them? 

It’s frustrating because I don’t know how much I can really handle.

I really should stop overanalyzing things and get some work done.

Women’s Connection, or Disconnection?

Before attending a women’s leadership conference, I was under the impression that it is some sort of women’s support group with the focus of giving women equal opportunities at leadership by participating in community projects. Such projects also prove women’s ability to contribute to society and recognize women leadership styles. In short, the conference brings to mind a group of women struggling to succeed in a man’s world banding together to support each other.

Many attendees like me might have shared what I imagined the group to be, which is perhaps why many came to the dialogue prepared with questions relating to women juggling work and family, and women needing to have masculine characteristics to succeed in a leadership position. After all, the objectives for a women’s group like this works under the premise that there is some form of workplace discrimation or unequal opportunities of leadership positions for women.

Strangely enough, the speakers at the dialogue sessions who are outstanding women leaders replied that it is not as much of a male-dominated world as many of us attendees suggested in the questions. It was an interesting and insightful discussion where the speakers shared that the key to success was related to understanding oneself and developing oneself. One speaker even ventured to say that diversity involves more than accepting women’s leadership style, but rather, diversity is extended to every individual.

As I was getting confused about the purpose of such a women’s group, the man in the room (ironically) brought to light the most important take away in the discussion – Inequality continues to exist in society and in many forms too. What will eventually lead to success is capability and drive as what is demonstrated by the outstanding women leaders in the panel of discussants. Whining about inequality and blaming any failure on discrimination will not take you anywhere.

As I see it, this is no longer the 1950s. Women already have pretty much equal work opportunities, which most of the discussants concur. Sure, there might still be some remnants of discrimination due to the long male-dominating history which makes it difficult for women to be in leadership positions. But capable women who work hard and prove themselves can make it, and as more women prove their capabilities, there would be little reason for any discrimination to remain.

Then why do we need a women’s group to teach women leadership skills and give women opportunities at leadership? If the purpose is to better equip women with leadership skills and networking opportunities, why is an all women group necessary? Women can mentor and be mentored by women and men alike, network with women and men alike and lead women and men alike. (Especially since the discussants do not believe that there is serious discrimination against women.) Then why are we discriminating ourselves, putting ourselves in a “safe” group with only us so that we can all have “equal” leadership opportunities?

The intention of the group is good, but I’m not sure what their purpose is and what they do. Network among women – why do we limit ourselves? After all, if we ever need to prove our capabilities to overcome any remaining discrimination, it won’t be to women, but to men. Just like a networking session among Asians or Asians support group would be a moot point, I believe women has gone beyond this. It’s time to just move on and claim the leadership positions in the real workplace. Then the world will know our individual leadership style. Diversity programmes need to make clear the relevance of their objectives in today’s world.

On another note, one speaker had some really sensible advice for us folks entering the workforce in these turbulent times.

1. Diversify your skills to be prepared for the good times – any job can give you experience, so internships or contract work should not go unconsidered. While applying for jobs, enrol in courses of your interest or engage in voluntary work. It is during such turbulent times that more help is needed. It is also such experiences that will distinguish you and help prepare you for the good times.
2. Stay true to yourself – there is no need to adopt others’ characteristics. Do not lose yourself while being reactive to change.
3. Remain calm during a storm - calmness is what is valued when there is uncertainty. During turbulent times, it’s a leader who can stay calm enough to plan that will be looked up to.
4. “Work for a better life, not more stuff.”