Too many moral battling rams

There are times when we condemn a person because we caught him absent mindedly throw a piece of tissue out the car window, cheat in an online game, drop an unkind remark, or worse, betray a friend or cheat on a spouse. It’s the simple reasoning of, “if a person can do this, he must have a personality flaw so serious he’s capable of doing something worse.”

Passing moral judgments are easy. But really understanding and knowing a person, is extremely hard.

When we judge a person by their worst actions, we often miss out understanding who the person really is. A person who throws tissue out the car window may not necessarily have no concern for his environment, a person who cheats in an online game may not be someone who’d do anything to prevent losing, a person who drops an unkind remark may not be one with no strand of kindness left, and a person who betrays or cheats may not be one with no care for relationships.

I believe people are much more complex than that. Even serial murderers may have something worth your admiration. There are temptations abound, some people fall to drugs, to sex, to gambling, or to bloodshed. We may not forgive them for the worst things they did, but we should not condemn them as immoral beasts either.

That said, how can we condemn our friends and acquaintances (or worse, people we barely know) simply because they’ve fell to less hurtful temptations like convenience? We may well have lost the chance to know someone who may have insights important enough to change our lives for the better.

Besides, how do we judge when we’re not in their shoes? We have different priorities and different beliefs, and even priorities and beliefs change over time and under different circumstances. The person who throws tissue out the car window may have no care for a dirty road, but all the love in the world for a green environment. A person who betrays his friends may be the most filial person you know.

Who are we to pass moral judgments on the person based on our own values and beliefs? Do values and principles even exist? Should they exist?

I sometimes think they don’t even exist for individuals, simply because we often change our minds. And we should change our minds. Stubbornly adhering to “principles” when circumstances have changed may bring more hurt.

We must have the courage to contradict ourselves when needed.

Math in Prose

Studying math, to me, has always been like reading a story book without going into the literature. As far as I’m concerned, math is a tool that can be used to solve problems, not as a study of abstract concepts and rigorous arguments.

But now, I pretty much need to study math in all its abstraction before having a clear idea of how it can be applied. That’s like walking into a war zone without knowing which side I’m on, or even why I’m there in the first place.

Anyone who has done this will understand my need to grumble. So please allow me to say, 

This is painful.

If only I could find a book that explains financial mathematics in prose (i.e. plain English, not Greek), even if every mathematical proof needs to be written with a 5,000 word essay. If only the book also links the significance of every math concept to its financial relevance. Or better, if only I’d wake up tomorrow with a full appreciation of the beauty and elegance of the mathematical language.

Fulfil my Chinese New Year wish, pretty please?

Women’s Connection II

I went for the second session of  the leadership conference this evening. Well, we weren’t told anything more about the programme we applied for, but tonight’s session was packed with many take aways. With two distinguished women leaders (one a politician and social entrepreneur, and the other a successful business leader of a listed multinational hotel/serviced apartment chain) sharing with us their experiences, tonight’s dialogue was definitely a valuable one.

I don’t know much about social entrepreneurship yet, but it does seem like an extremely feasible, and attractive area to go into. Charitable, non-profit organizations may have good intentions, but relying on charity to meet even operational needs seems to me very unsustainable, and limited in terms of growth potential. On the other hand, social entreprises being for-profit organizations are more likely to become self-sufficient, leading to sustainability and growth using its own retained earnings. Therefore, adopting a business model for social causes is much more pragmatic than relying on altruistic intentions. This could be (or is it already?) the next big thing.

However, I know little about social enterprises other than a bit about the micro-financing model, which led me to ask the speaker what other types of social entreprises or innovative business models has she came across. Most models she brought out seemed to me to involve some form of technological innovation to meet a social need. Personally though, I find that perhaps social entrepreneurship works best if existing technologies and tried-and-tested models can be applied or converted to work for social causes. At least, this would probably be the low-hanging fruit for the success of a social entreprise. Just like micro-financing, which is little different from the existing lending for interest system, it’s the small innovations in business models that could lead to big success in the fastest, least risky manner possible.

The second woman leader is to become a role model for me in any future leadership positions I take up. She shared with us interesting anecdotes in her 40 years of managerial career and what leadership means to her. What struck me the most, was the sincerity, humility and incredible humor she delivered her speech with, while at the same time commanding the attention and heartfelt respect of everyone in the room. There were no grandiose plans or pretentious ideals, only simple down-to-earth advice from someone who has been there and done that.

Amongst the many thoughts that she left us with, what I feel is the most important take away of the night is her advice on leaving a legacy. She said that leaving a legacy does not mean leaving your name. After all, it is not about what you do, what’s important is what you helped to create in the organization that you’ve been in, something like a culture and identity of that organization which can be carried on beyond your term in it.

This brought to mind parents and how they bring up their children. Selfless acts of love and wise quotations that can be attributed to the parent may be heartwarming and touching to hear. But they come second to what the parents nurture the children to become. Leaving a legacy, whether in a work organization or in children should go beyond mere acts and advice, and to the actual development of a separate, identifiable individual. (I hesitate to refer to this as “instilling values” because I do not think that it means an imposition of ideas, but rather, the development of a personality.)

I found this enlightening because it made me realize that “leaving a legacy” is not just a continuation of yourself. What is more important is nurturing something or someone else that exists beyond yourself.

You can be smart too

I just watched an episode of what has become a Singaporean TV staple – those “you can be beautiful too” variety shows. This one is fantastic, awe-inspiring even.

The episode showed reenactments of the distress a girl’s skin problem caused her, including being reprimanded outright by her boss because she had failed as “a representative of the company” (there was no mention of her job scope, which left me wondering…). It troubled her so much that she could no longer go out with friends and was, very literally, plagued by loneliness and a nonexistent self esteem.

I’m sure even the most stone-hearted of viewers could feel the pain and anguish that her superficial problem caused her. But fear not, there was a happy ending to this tragic story. She sought help from the chain beauty parlor which sponsered this TV programme, and regained her self-confidence as her skin problem vanished after they explained at length the cause of her problem (substantiated by a Chinese physician’s comment, mind you) and the application of some goop on her face.

Hallelujah! There is hope in life.

These shows are so inspiring. Why haven’t the various tuition centers, abacus classes and child talent development educators sponsered similar programmes?

We could have a dumb kid relate his story about how he had never passed any examination, got snubbed by teachers and eventually lost all feelings of self-worth. His inadequacy in scholarly subjects troubled his parents (whose greatest fear is that their son ends up in an Institute of Technical Education) so much that they could no longer face their relatives during Chinese New Year gatherings. Thankfully, they discovered X tuition center and Y abacus class and the son became infinitely smarter and instantly more filial.

Oh yeah, and that wonderful line they love to use in such shows – “there are no ugly women, only lazy women”. We could adapt that for the tuition center one too –  ”there are no stupid people, only lazy ones”, no?

Why is our obsession with beauty (or rather, predefined notions of beauty) frequently brought on national TV, while other obsessions like that of good grades and smart kids only spoken as satire on Jack Neo’s films? It seems that we have not fully convinced ourselves that our policy of elitism is acceptable, but we have gladly accepted our warped notion that a lack of “beauty” is a bane in life and that it even constitutes a character flaw as serious as laziness.

Starting the year with purple hair

The transition from 2008 to 2009 was possibly the smoothest I’ve ever experienced. There was hardly a feeling that the year was over and another has begun. The days, months and years passed as a continuum. Ironically, this was the only year I actually felt vaguely motivated to go for a countdown. (It didn’t materialize)

2009 is a year I’m going to take many hits – getting kicked out of school (hopefully via graduation), going on a long trip to the furthest place I’ve ever been to, starting full-time work (hopefully not bumming around), and more on the personal front. For all that, I’m well-equipped with a purple head. If everything fails, I can shrug my shoulders with a bounce of my purple hair.

If I must have some new year resolutions, the first will be to remain calm, stone-faced even, admist adversity and what might be a treacherous year to come. I also need the strength to be flexible and accept lesser than expectations when the circumstances don’t allow me to have everything I want. And finally, all the discipline to work hard, spend less, and diligently find and prepare for an area of work I can commit myself to. They’re all vague, because the future looks foggy now.

Alicia:         “What are you thinking about?”

John:          “What do people do?”

Alicia:        “It’s life, John. Activities available, just add meaning.”

- A Beautiful Mind (2001)