Appreciating Convexity

The best thing about working life, it seems, is that it has given me a lot of time of my own. When I put down my work for the night and the weekends, I can explore, discover and pursue my interests. Strangely, it is when I sell my physical hours that I really gain free rein of my thoughts and the liberty to live in my mind. In contrast, schooling was always about filling my head with the thoughts I was supposed to have and knowledge I must remember. It was repressive despite the amount of “free time” I had.

Life has been good. I like my job because it gives me the autonomy to do what I think needs to be done, and choose how to do it, despite my junior position. Outside of work, I’ve been able to catch up on my book-reading, music-listening and movie-watching. I’ve even been able to pick up the piano again. I can take a walk outside whenever I felt like doing so, without feeling guilty about taking time away from some readings I’m not even remotely interested in.

Now, I have the liberty to reflect, to day dream and to read up on any nonsense that happen to pique my interest. Absolute time has less meaning. If I need to take a long time to finish a difficult book, so be it – I don’t need to find something straightforward to read just to feel the gratification of having completed a book. I watched Gone With The Wind in one continuous sitting. I’ve even survived the 7.5 hour extreme art house film Satantango. I  can listen to Eric Clapton’s extended 9 mins Wonderful Tonight 10 times a night, or to the full Brahms’ Symphony No. 4 twice in a row. On Saturday, I can practise the piano for 7 hours. On Sunday, I can spend an afternoon wandering around.

Instead of being told and assessed constantly about things I should/need to understand, I am learning to appreciate what I cannot yet understand. At work, I explain away convexity. After work, I embark on a search for non-linearity in life. That’s when I can fully enjoy the second, third, or even fourth order effects of spending my time.

A lot of my time is sold to my full-time work, but in my head I’m living more vivaciously than ever before.