Appreciating Convexity
November 6, 2009 at 1:36 am 1 comment
The best thing about working life, it seems, is that it has given me a lot of time of my own. When I put down my work for the night and the weekends, I can explore, discover and pursue my interests. Strangely, it is when I sell my physical hours that I really gain free rein of my thoughts and the liberty to live in my mind. In contrast, schooling was always about filling my head with the thoughts I was supposed to have and knowledge I must remember. It was repressive despite the amount of “free time” I had.
Life has been good. I like my job because it gives me the autonomy to do what I think needs to be done, and choose how to do it, despite my junior position. Outside of work, I’ve been able to catch up on my book-reading, music-listening and movie-watching. I’ve even been able to pick up the piano again. I can take a walk outside whenever I felt like doing so, without feeling guilty about taking time away from some readings I’m not even remotely interested in.
Now, I have the liberty to reflect, to day dream and to read up on any nonsense that happen to pique my interest. Absolute time has less meaning. If I need to take a long time to finish a difficult book, so be it – I don’t need to find something straightforward to read just to feel the gratification of having completed a book. I watched Gone With The Wind in one continuous sitting. I’ve even survived the 7.5 hour extreme art house film Satantango. I can listen to Eric Clapton’s extended 9 mins Wonderful Tonight 10 times a night, or to the full Brahms’ Symphony No. 4 twice in a row. On Saturday, I can practise the piano for 7 hours. On Sunday, I can spend an afternoon wandering around.
Instead of being told and assessed constantly about things I should/need to understand, I am learning to appreciate what I cannot yet understand. At work, I explain away convexity. After work, I embark on a search for non-linearity in life. That’s when I can fully enjoy the second, third, or even fourth order effects of spending my time.
A lot of my time is sold to my full-time work, but in my head I’m living more vivaciously than ever before.
Entry filed under: Thoughts. Tags: happiness, reflections.
1.
Faraz Omar | November 7, 2009 at 7:45 pm
Your thoughts are always interesting and deep. But isn’t it merely the growing out of school and college that you’re experiencing this, and it not necessarily has any connection with a full-time work?
I don’t know I’m just thinking. A retired man who works in his garage, manufactures his own tools and decor, waters his garden and reads what he wants to read, also achieves the liberty to go at his own pace and enjoy fully the second without working full-time. right?
But yes definitely that feeling that u described is soo nice and true.